Quirky London Laws (Still Enforced!): The Weird and Wonderful.

London, a city brimming with history, culture, and… quirky London laws?

You might think the capital is all about iconic landmarks, double-decker buses, and pubs on every corner, but lurking in the shadows of its legal system are some truly bizarre rules.

Believe it or not, these ancient and downright peculiar laws are technically still enforceable.

Yep, we’re talking about regulations that date back to a time when carrying a plank of wood down the street could land you in hot water (and not the kind you drink with your Earl Grey).

Whether you’re a tourist, an expat, or a local who’s been blissfully unaware of these strange remnants of the past, it’s worth knowing about these quirky London laws that are still on the books.

1. No Carrying Planks of Wood in Public

Yep, you read that right. According to the Metropolitan Police Act of 1839, carrying a plank of wood down the street is illegal. Why? Back in the 19th century, crowded streets meant that lumbering a massive plank through the city could cause serious accidents.

You can imagine it now—someone walking down Oxford Street with a plank in hand, knocking over pedestrians left and right like a domino effect.

These days, while it’s rare to see someone hoisting a 2×4 around central London, technically, this law could still be enforced.

Historical Context: London’s narrow streets were packed with pedestrians, horses, and carts.

Preventing “plank-related incidents” was crucial for public safety. Nowadays, your biggest risk on the street is probably just getting stuck behind a tourist group.

2. Don’t Shake Your Rugs Out of the Window Before 8 AM

Planning on giving that old doormat a good shake to get rid of the dust? Not before 8 AM, you’re not! According to the same Metropolitan Police Act of 1839, shaking or beating a carpet or doormat out of your window early in the morning could lead to a fine.

In Victorian London, this was a common way to clean rugs, and the law was designed to keep the streets clean and avoid annoying your downstairs neighbours.

Why It’s Still Around: Londoners are known for their love of a good sleep-in, so imagine being woken up by someone shaking out their dusty rug over your flat? Annoying, right? While the chances of getting fined are slim, you’ll want to think twice before airing out your dirt at the crack of dawn.

3. It’s Illegal to Be Drunk in a Pub

Here’s one that will make you question everything: it’s illegal to be drunk in a pub. Under the Licensing Act of 1872, being intoxicated in a licensed premises can get you fined. Yes, the very place designed for social drinking is the one place you’re not supposed to be drunk.

Why It Still Exists: This law was introduced to curb public drunkenness, especially during a time when the effects of alcohol were less well-regulated. Although it’s unlikely that the local pub will kick you out for having a few too many, you technically could be fined if things get out of hand. Just something to keep in mind next time you’re enjoying one pint too many!

4. No Kite Flying in Public Spaces

Ever fancied a leisurely afternoon flying a kite in Hyde Park? Well, you might want to think again. According to the Act of 1839, flying a kite in a public space is illegal if it causes annoyance to others. It seems a bit harsh for something as innocent as a kite, but back in the day, this rule was enforced to prevent accidents and public disorder.

Current Relevance: While most people won’t be calling the bobbies on you for a bit of kite-flying, it’s good to know that, in theory, you could be breaking the law if someone deems your airborne antics too disruptive.

5. Don’t Slide on Ice in Public Streets

Winter wonderland or lawbreaker? According to another rule, sliding on ice or snow in public streets is illegal. This law was aimed at preventing injuries and keeping the roads safe during the harsh winters of 19th-century London.

With fewer snowy days in modern London, this law feels more like a quirky relic than a genuine concern. But if you do find yourself in a rare London snowstorm, resist the urge to turn the streets into your personal ice rink—you wouldn’t want to break the law now, would you?

6. Watch Out for Your Salmon

Ever handled salmon suspiciously? No? Well, in case you were planning to, don’t. Under the Salmon Act of 1986, it’s illegal to handle salmon “in suspicious circumstances.” While the act was designed to prevent poaching and illegal fishing, the vague wording has led to plenty of jokes and confusion over what exactly constitutes suspicious salmon behaviour.

So, next time you’re at Billingsgate Market buying some fresh fish, just make sure you don’t look shifty about it. You wouldn’t want the fishmongers getting suspicious!

7. No Armour in Parliament

In what’s arguably the most medieval law still in existence, wearing a suit of armour in the Houses of Parliament is illegal. This dates all the way back to 1313, when King Edward II decided that MPs should leave their battle gear at home.

Does It Still Matter?: Unless you’re a medieval re-enactor who’s wandered into Westminster on the wrong day, this one is pretty easy to avoid. But it does make you wonder what kind of scuffles led to this law in the first place.

8. Don’t Die in Parliament

This one’s more of a myth than an enforceable law, but many people believe it’s illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. The theory is that anyone who dies there would automatically be entitled to a state funeral, which could cause all kinds of political headaches.

Fact or Fiction?: While you won’t face legal action for kicking the bucket in Parliament (obviously), it does make for a fun conversation starter. Let’s just say you’d better avoid any dramatic exits while sitting in on a debate.

9. Mind Your Pigs

Under ancient law, herding pigs through the streets of London required official permission from the City of London. Without it, you’d face a fine. Given that livestock were once a common sight in the city, this was a necessary regulation.

Is It Still a Thing?: While you won’t see many pigs trotting through Trafalgar Square today, the law technically still stands. If you’re planning a pig parade, make sure you’ve got the paperwork to avoid running afoul of the law.

10. No Taking Rabid Dogs (or Corpses) in Taxis

Here’s one to think about next time you flag down a black cab: under the London Hackney Carriages Act of 1831, it’s illegal to transport rabid dogs—or dead bodies—in taxis. While it might seem obvious, it’s a law that’s still technically on the books.

Modern Relevance: These days, you probably won’t have to worry about this one (let’s hope). But if your dog starts foaming at the mouth mid-ride, don’t be surprised if your driver pulls over and asks you to walk the rest of the way!

So, What Have We Learned?

Who knew London’s legal system was such a treasure trove of weirdness? From banning planks of wood to keeping your salmon dealings above board, these quirky London laws offer a hilarious glimpse into the city’s past—and, well, a few rules we’re happy to ignore today.

Share Your Own Crazy Laws!

So, what do you think of these quirky London laws? We’d love to hear your thoughts! Got a weird law from your own country? Share it with us in the comments and let’s compare some of the strangest laws from around the world!